


Let's talk about ANYTHING ELSE but love.

by Coloured_Rainbow



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, HLVRBTAIISA, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, BTW this isn't a vr game. it's reality., Canon-Typical Violence, Denial, Dorks in Love, Eventual Fluff, Knowing me, M/M, Slow Burn, assume spoilers for the entire series, everyone knows they're in love except for them, frenrey, gordon refuses to admit he's in love, idk if i'll end up writing some steamy scenes HAHA probably, just to mature, possible rating change???, the logistics behind that will be explained later trust me it'll all make sense, the science team being terrible wingmen, uh. yeah. sorry there's gonna be a lot of angst too i've decided AHA SORRY, wink wonk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25745761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coloured_Rainbow/pseuds/Coloured_Rainbow
Summary: “Ah, young love!”Gordon flinched at Coomer’s voice, glancing over to where he sat. He cleared his throat and looked around, almost convinced he imagined whatever it was Coomer had said.“What?”“It’s always nice to see today’s youth fall in love. Even if their way of showing it is quite unconventional!”-----AKA Gordon is in love with Benrey and refuses to admit it, so it's up to The Science Team to fix it! Gordon's love life is only in the best of hands............
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 528





	1. Coomer

**Author's Note:**

> I originally was going to add some angst to this fandom, but watching the HLVRAI animatic of [Let's Not Talk About Anything Else but Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rexJEoj1mE) inspired me WAY too much to write some nice fluff. I rewatched it like 500 fricken times and NEEDED to get this story out of my system HAHA It's going to take a while to get to the Goods, but it's mostly just gonna be a nice, feel-good, comedic slow burn :)  
> ...well, maybe with a LITTLE angst, knowing me.
> 
> EDIT: UHM. i.... I lied this is gonna have a lot of angst AHA OH NO
> 
> EDIT EDIT: Made a cover for this fic finally LOL art is by me!! Just in case anyone was wondering why no one was credited lololol

Gordon groaned, peeling his face away from the dirty concrete floor as he slowly regained consciousness. You’d think after a few nights of sleeping on the ground that you’d get used to it, but you in fact didn’t. Every night he spent on the filthy Black Mesa floor equally sucked ass.

He smacked his lips a few times, wincing at the terrible taste the night left behind. A lot of things down here sucked--the fact that he was being trailed by a couple of murderous lunatics, and that the military was trying to kill him, and that aliens were running amok--but they’d been here long enough that Gordon was starting to really miss every-day smaller things. Like brushing his teeth, for example. What he would do for even some fucking mouthwash…

“Rise and shine!” Bubby shouted in alarming proximity to Gordon’s ear, making him jump in surprise.

“Jesus,” Gordon grumbled, pushing himself up to sit cross-legged and rub his eyes open. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Wakey wakey, eggs and--Hello Gordon!” Coomer piped up from the corner where he sat next to Tommy.

“Hi,” Gordon halfheartedly replied. “Hi, Dr. Coomer. What, uh, what time is it?”

“I’d say we have approximately 2 hours until we reach the Lambda Lab!”

“Not what I asked, but I like that estimate.” Gordon took in one last deep breath before hoisting himself off of the floor to stand up and stretch out his back. “Assuming Dr. Coomer is actually just saying bullshit, we probably have a few more days of travel, so. Let’s get a move on, huh?”

“We were all waiting for you,” Bubby spat, absently bouncing a gun between each of his hands. “We’ve been up for hours!”

“Why didn’t you wake me up??”

“We figured Gordon Babyman needed his, uh, his beauty sleep. His baby sleep,” someone mumbled from the corner. Gordon sighed, turning around to face Benrey. He was perched up on a box, his legs politely crossed and his hands rested on his knee.

“Hi, Benrey,” Gordon lazily greeted. “Where the fuck have you been, huh? You disappeared for, like, hours yesterday.”

“You were all grumpy. Grumpyman. Wanted to wait until you got your grumpy baby sleep so you’d be less, uh… less Gordon.”

“Less Gordon,” Gordon repeated, dryly laughing and nodding his head. “Right. ‘Cause you’d just love if I were anyone else, huh?”

“I don’t even know who you are,” Benrey shrugged, innocently swinging his feet. “Not like you have a passport to, like, show me. Could be anyone. You could be a, uh, a terrorist for all I know.”

“After everything that’s happened? Honestly, I probably am. At least the military seems to think so.”

“Exactly.”

Gordon sighed for what felt like the millionth time since he woke up less than five minutes ago, turning back to the rest of the group.

“Okay, let’s just go. We have a lot, and I mean a lot, of ground to cover.”

“Finally,” Bubby grumbled, eagerly gripping his firearm and skipping on ahead. Tommy didn’t say anything, but he passed Gordon a worried glance before following Bubby out of the room.

“Alright,” Gordon whispered to himself, pulling out his crowbar. “Let’s do this. You got a long day ahead of you, but--”

“Can you put that away, please?” Benrey interrupted.

“What?” Gordon took an almost comical double-take, looking over his shoulder at Benrey. “My-My crowbar?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged like it was obvious. “Don’t go, just, swinging that thing around. Take someone’s eye out.”

“Take someone’s--Bubby was just juggling a fucking gun!”

“Didn’t see--I didn’t see that.”

“Well, he was. Either way, we have to be armed, man. There’s aliens! Danger at every turn!”

“Only danger--you’re the dangerous one here, bro. I’m just looking after the group.”

“Wh--?”

“They’re scared of you, man. You scare people.”

“I scare people. With my crowbar.”

“Yes.”

“Are you--You’re saying you’re scared of me right now?”

“Well _I’m_ not.” Benrey rolled his eyes, leaning back on his hands. “I’m the guard. Gotta be--I’m tough as nails. Tough as a crowbar.”

“Then who is scared? Can you tell me, because I’d love to know.”

“Y’know, the…. the masses.”

“I scare. I scare the--who is the masses? There’s, like, five of us, man! There are no masses--the masses were fucking murdered!”

“Yeah, by you. Gordon Murderman.”

“YOU KILLED!!! SO MANY INNOCENT--you know what, fuck this. I-I don’t need to argue with you! I’m going.”

“Not with that crowbar out, you aren’t. I’ll have to, like, stop you or something.”

Gordon let out a frustrated shout, shoving the crowbar back into his side belt. “Fine!! Fuck!! There you go, the stupid--the crowbar is away!”

“Thank you,” Benrey politely nodded, hopping down from the box. “Now we can go. Bubby’s probably--he’s pissed at you, man. For sleeping all night.”

“Well, sorry some of us are actually human and need to sleep,” Gordon sarcastically spat.

“Yeah, you should really get that looked at.”

“What, being human?”

Instead of gracing Gordon with another cryptic answer, Benrey whistled to himself as he speed-walked ahead to catch up with Bubby and Tommy. Gordon clenched his fist and grinded his teeth, a high pitched noise of frustration leaking out between his teeth.

He was _fuming._ Why the hell didn’t Benrey pick on anyone else?

Gordon took a few extra seconds to calm himself down as Benrey disappeared up ahead before pulling out his crowbar again.

“Ah, young love!”

Gordon flinched at Coomer’s voice, glancing over to where he sat. The rest of the group had moved ahead, but Coomer still sat where he was when Gordon first woke up.

Gordon cleared his throat and looked around, almost convinced he imagined whatever it was Coomer had said.

“What?”

“It’s always nice to see today’s youth fall in love. Even if their way of showing it is quite unconventional!”

At a loss for words, Gordon took a few moments to go over what Coomer was saying to him.

“Is this... just another one of your nonsense monologues? What are you talking about?” Gordon closed his eyes for a moment. “Actually, nevermind. I don’t even know why I try to decipher what you’re talking about, sometimes.”

“Benrey is quite infatuated with you.”

Okay, so this wasn’t nonsense. Dr. Coomer was actually starting a dialogue. That was new.

Gordon might be more amazed if he wasn’t trying so hard to fight the heat that was quickly rising to his cheeks.

“What?” Gordon awkwardly chuckled, not even knowing how to begin to reply to that.

“And by the looks of it, you feel the same, Gordon.”

Gordon couldn’t help the laugh that was startled out of him.

“What???” Coomer patiently waited for Gordon to stop panickedly sputtering to himself and actually find proper words. “I-I have no idea--What are you talking about?? I-I--I mean, the guy hates me! Everything he does is-is to annoy me. He never stops asking about my stupid fucking passport, telling me to not do things that-that he did not even _seconds_ ago--I mean, the guy is borderline unbearable to be around!” As he spoke, Gordon wildly threw his hands in all which directions, hoping the movement would distract from how red his face was.

When Coomer didn’t reply and only flashed Gordon a smug grin, that somehow made him start to panic even more.

“I hate the guy!” Gordon continued. “C--In fact, I c-can’t fucking stand him! I feel like every little tiny thing he does is part of this huge fucking joke where, guess what, _I’m_ the damn punchline! I swear to god that sometimes he-he’ll even do things he doesn’t want to do just because he doesn’t want to fucking agree with me! That’s how much he hates me! The guy is literally just out to get me! And I-I don’t even know why! N-Not because of--” Gordon choked on his words, pausing to take a moment to catch his breath.

Before he could continue, Coomer let out a pleasant sigh.

“I love love.”

Gordon clenched his fists, sucking in a breath.

“No. No, whatever this is, I-I’m not falling for it. This is probably just your way of-of getting in my head! That’s sick, man. Sick!”

“Ahhh, loooveeee…”

“I swear to--you people are going to drive me insane.”

“Love makes people do crazy things, Gordon. And judging by how low your sanity has been as of late, I’d say you are _deep_ in love!”

The heat from his face was quickly traveling all across Gordon’s body, leaving him sweaty and uncomfortable in his stupid, clunky HEV suit. He sputtered the start of a few more sentences, but was interrupted when Coomer stood up and pulled out a gun.

“Onward, Gordon! I’d say we only have about 5 days left until we reach the Lambda Lab!”

And as if nothing even happened, Coomer cheerily skipped ahead out of the room to join the others.

Gordon stared at the spot that Coomer was previously sitting, at a complete loss of words.

That whole talk had caught him off guard. Not only was Coomer actually having a full conversation, but he was accusing Gordon off… being in love with Benrey??? Gordon couldn’t help but laugh at the idea. It was easier to think now that Coomer wasn’t shooting him that accusatory look.

How ridiculous. Dr. Coomer's just a crazy old man with an overactive imagination. What he said probably didn’t even mean anything! Just more nonsense.

Holding on tight to that thought, Gordon was able to get his feet working again and head on out of the room.

Bubby and Benrey would no doubt yell at him for lagging behind, but Gordon found himself okay with that. Maybe then the feeling of frustration and anger would override the deep embarrassment that flooded his whole body.


	2. Bubby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Holy fuck!” Gordon screeched, leaping to the side. “Jesus--Bubby! Dude! You _gotta_ quit sneaking up on me like that!”
> 
> “No,” Bubby stated plainly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT DUDE!!! The response to this fic has been INCREDIBLE so far!!! I'm so excited to keep writing :) I can't reply to every single comment I get, but just know that I read all of them and appreciate them so much <3 I love all you guys
> 
> ALSOOO I [drew some art](https://www.instagram.com/p/CDkvDCxgZTe/) to accompany the first chapter if you wanna check that out! Make sure to follow my insta to get early peeks at art I do for this fic (which there will FOR SURE be more HEHE)

“Holy shit!!!” Gordon screeched, ducking his head under his arms and rolling down behind a wall just as bullets started flying in his direction. The motion sensored gun stopped shooting once he was out of sight, but continued to ominously beep as it scanned for more hostiles. “You guys alright?” 

“Never better!” Dr. Coomer chirped from his hiding place behind a couple of stacked boxes. 

“I want to go home,” Bubby complained, crossing his arms. 

“We’re getting there,” Gordon sighed. “Just gotta hold on a little longer.”

“By my estimate, we have 4 more days until we reach the Lambda Lab!” Coomer smiled, playfully nudging Bubby with the end of his gun. Bubby’s expression relaxed at that, but his voice didn’t sound any less hostile when he spoke. Gordon wasn’t sure that Bubby was even capable of sounding anything but sarcastic. 

“That’s too long,” Bubby sighed. 

“Well, then I’d say we only have about 3 more hours until we reach the Lambda Lab.”

“Much better.” Something resembling a smile made its way to Bubby’s face, so Gordon didn’t ruin the chance of Bubby being in a good mood by pointing out Coomer’s flawed logic. Running with the idea that they were only a few hours away from getting home, Gordon felt a burst of energy. 

“Alright, let’s go guys!” Gordon yelled out to them across the room, rubbing his hands together. “If you run fast enough, the gun shouldn’t get you in time.” 

“Running at maximum speed, there’s only a 25% chance you’ll take a bullet to the face!” Coomer informed the group.

“Those are terrible fucking odds!” Bubby exclaimed. 

“Mr. Freeman!” Gordon cut himself short from replying to Bubby, looking over to where Tommy stood behind a concrete wall. “I say we--we should just blow it up! The, the gun. That way it won’t, uh… be a problem later.”

Gordon nodded. “You know, uh… you’re probably right, Tommy. We might need to trail back this way later. Uh, how about you guys back up and I’ll throw a grenade at it? That should take it out.”

“Yo.” Gordon’s gaze snapped over to where Benrey started walking out from behind Tommy. “What’s the fuckennnn situation?”

“Benrey!” Gordon shrieked. “Don’t just walk--” but before he could finish, Benrey took one step too far outside of the concrete wall, bringing himself into the sight of the gun’s sensors. The room was filled with the sound of frantic bullets and Gordon couldn’t help but wince at the noise. Just as he collected himself and stood up to take out the gun, the sound of bullets was overlapped with Bubby’s primal screams. 

“TAKE THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!” Bubby cackled, gripping tightly onto a machine gun and using the time that the gun across the room was distracted with Benrey to shoot it back. After Bubby ate through a whole magazine, there was an explosion from across the room before everything went quiet, the trap gun disabling.

“Fuck,” Gordon mumbled before remembering himself and running out to see if everyone was okay. “Benrey?” He called out, looking around. Panic flooded through him when he saw Benrey laying limp on the floor. “Benrey!!” Gordon swore to himself as he rushed over to Benrey’s body. Just as he was about to lean down and confirm his death, Gordon was surprised to see Benrey casually staring back up at him. 

“Damn, bro,” Benrey mumbled. “Why didn’t you warn me? Pretty, uh, irresponsible of you.”

“Thank god, you’re fine,” Gordon sighed. “I… y’know, I don’t know what I expected. Can you--I don’t even think you’re capable of dying, are you? You--Are you immortal or something? I’m pretty sure you even got, like, shot in the face a few times before. How does that even work?”

“Helmet,” Benrey said simply. He sat up from where he lay, stretching his back. “You’re lucky I saw that gun, Freeman. Could have gotten hurt.”

“You didn’t see the gun. Dude, you walked right out in front of it.” 

“Well I’m fine, so… I’ll let you off with a warning.”

“Okay. Y’know what? Okay. Whatever man. You’re fine, so, I guess it’s cool. Everyone’s fine. Everyone’s good.” 

Instead of letting the subject drop, Benrey put on a concerned face and stood up. 

“Aw, bro…” He reached up, feeling around his headwear. After some searching, his fingers grazed along where a bullet had lodged itself in the back of the helmet. “You damaged, uh, company property, man. Gonna cost ya. Things ain’t cheap.”

“It’s a helmet,” Gordon said. “You kill, like, 10 guards every five minutes. Just snag one of theirs.”

“No man, that’s like, so unsanitary. Not gonna, gonna wear some dead guy’s helmet. What if he has… dandruff?”

“Dandruff??? You’re worried more about dandruff then a shit ton of blood probably pouring through his skull?”

“Gotta keep my hair lookin’ sharp.”

“You haven’t showered in days!” Gordon shouted. “Have you--when’s the last time you even took off your helmet?”

“I don’t, like… tell you everything I do, man. Take it off, uh, all the time. To wash it. I wash and brush and like--look sharp, bro.”

Gordon lingered on that thought, but had a hard time imagining Benrey doing anything even remotely normal. Gordon used to do that normal stuff--wake up in the morning and take a cold shower, brush his teeth, put up his hair, pick out an outfit… It's only been these last few days that he’s been stuck in Black Mesa, but it felt like he hadn’t gone through his morning routine in years. He idly wondered if he would ever get the chance to do it again after all of this. 

Tearing his eyes away from Benrey, he noticed Tommy and Coomer chatting in the corner, making their way ahead. 

“Fuck!” Gordon flinched at Bubby’s voice, looking over to see him standing with his arms angrily crossed. “I want to go home! Will you two hurry?”

“Sorry,” Gordon rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, we should get going.”

“Should start calling you Gordon Slowman, hm?”

“Benrey’s the one who got shot! If he hadn’t--”

“I stopped listening,” Bubby interrupted, starting to walk away. “I’m going. I’m heading home, now.”

Gordon opened his mouth to talk, but quickly shut it when he glanced back at Benrey. He stood with his shoulders hunched, gripping onto his helmet and staring forlornly at the bullet lodged into the exterior. 

Gordon couldn’t help but stare. He figured that Benrey was able to take his helmet off--well, not that he spent time thinking about it or anything. It’s just that it was an obvious thing for a person to do. You put on a helmet, you should be able to take it off. Even though it was just that obvious, it was hard to imagine Benrey without a helmet on. Now he didn’t have to: Benrey was right in front of him, sans helmet and wearing a very pouty expression. 

Gordon’s eyes trailed over Benrey’s hair. As much as he hated to admit Benrey was right, it did look very strangely kempt for supposedly being under a sweaty helmet, unwashed for days on end. Then again, apparently Benrey wasn’t even human. Maybe clean hair was an alien thing? 

… _Was_ Benrey an alien?

Looking at him now, he’s… well, he’s surprisingly human-looking. Sure, his skin’s a little paler than usual, but he’s an underground nightguard. It’s only to be expected that he isn’t getting any sort of tan down here. His hair was cleanly shaven down on the sides, the top a little longer and very poofy. A cheesy word, but it seemed to fit well. It was the kind of hair that probably felt amazing to run your hands through. There were more than a few grey hairs poking out the sides as well, and Gordon’s breath caught a little at that. 

Just how old was Benrey? Now that he thought about it, he did look a bit older than Gordon. He’d have to guess probably early 40’s. Well, by human standards anyway. For all he knew, Benrey could be hundreds, even thousands of years old. Although going by how immature he tended to be, Gordon guessed that wasn’t the case. Aside from not being able to die and occasionally singing out Powerade-flavoured magical balls, Benrey seemed more than human. He knew human culture very well, too, never shutting up about Playstation. 

Assuming Benrey was actually older than Gordon, maybe even more than 10 years, it was kind of hilarious how he talked. He was approaching middle age and still called everyone ‘bro’ and ‘man’ and talked about video games non-stop. If he really wasn’t human, he wondered where he picked all that up.

Well, he _would_ be wondering that if he weren’t so busy staring at Benrey’s salt and pepper hair, memorizing the way it faded down the sides and dissolved into an endearing amount stubble just starting to grow adjacent from his ears. 

His ears, too. Gordon had never even thought about his ears. Well, that was a lie. He had joked more than a few times that maybe Benrey had pointy little ears and was actually an elf. He was short enough, a few inches below Gordon. That was one of the few things that Gordon could make fun of Benrey for and actually fluster him a little bit. Despite what he thought, however, Benrey had normal ears. They were smaller, rounded, and kind of adorable. 

The ‘kind of adorable’ part of that thought snapped Gordon back to reality, his eyes snapping up only to see that Benrey was looking back at him. If he had noticed Gordon’s staring, he didn’t seem to show it. It was so hard to get a read on the guy, sometimes. 

“Yoooooo,” Benrey said at length, clearing his throat. “Did you bring a camera down here with you?”

Gordon blinked. “What? M-My--A camera? I mean, uh, I think I have one back in my locker, but that’s long gone. Why?”

Benrey gestured to his face, his voice coming out in a mumble that Gordon almost didn’t even hear. “Take a picture and it’ll last longer.”

Okay, so he did notice the staring. Gordon just prayed to the holy fucking spirit that Benrey didn’t notice how red his face turned when he said that. 

“We better get going!” Gordon suddenly chirped, doing his best to ignore the crack in his voice. “Coomer’s, uh, C-Coomer and Tommy are probably getting--yeah, uh, let’s go. Head out. Awesome.”

Benrey quirked an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything else as he slid back on his helmet, tucked some loose hairs inside, and walked out of the room. Gordon stayed in place for a few seconds, only relaxing as soon as Benrey was out of sight. He let out a long breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in, his shoulders falling. 

“Well, that was fucking terrible to watch!” Gordon nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Bubby’s voice booming right next to his ear. 

“Holy fuck!” He screeched, leaping to the side. “Jesus--Bubby! Dude! You _gotta_ quit sneaking up on me like that!”

“No,” Bubby stated plainly. 

“What the--god. I-I thought you went ahead with Coomer and Tommy.” Gordon put a hand over his heart, taking slow breaths in an attempt to slow his racing pulse. 

“I came back to yell at you for taking so long. I want to go home and I find you flirting with Benrey again!” Bubby huffed. “I’m getting real sick of your horny shit.”

Gordon choked on something, doubling over and coughing. “It’s not--”

“Shut up,” Bubby interrupted. “It would be easier for everyone if you just bit the bullet and just confessed your stupid love already.”

“What is--?” Gordon cut himself off with a hysterical laugh before continuing. “Why does everyone keep _saying_ that?? I’m not in love with Benrey!! I-I can’t fucking stand him! He almost got himself killed two minutes ago and honestly I would’ve been glad! Been trying to find a way to kill that-that _fucker_ since he first asked for my goddamn passport!”

“Oh yeah, the way you screamed his name in terror when he got shot really gave that away.” Bubby rolled his eyes, poking Gordon in the chest with the handgun he never seemed to put down. “Either stop being a bitch and tell him, or… or nothing! Just fucking tell him!”

“You,” Gordon laughed, “are making a lot of-of assumptions here! First off--not in love with Benrey. Never have been! Can barely tolerate the guy! Secondly, who the hell said I was even gay?? I was married to a girl! And had a kid with her!”

“Like that means fuckall. Coomer used to be married to a woman and had no problem confessing his love to me. You’re just a fucking bitch!”

Well that sentence was like two gunshots to the chest.

“You?? Coomer loves you?”

“We’ve been together this whole time, numbnuts,” Bubby growled. “We just don’t go around flirting and keeping everyone from GOING. THE FUCK. HOME! I want to go _home_ , Gordon!” 

Looking back, the fact that Coomer and Bubby were in a relationship made a lot of sense, in a way. Gordon would never have guessed it was anything romantic, though. Good for them, jesus, these guys must be going on 70. 

“Fine,” Bubby said. “Whatever. If you want to hold on to what little heterosexuality you have left, I don’t care. But stop slowing us down!” 

Gordon awkwardly chuckled, feeling like he was quickly losing what little _sanity_ he had left. “I’m not--I just. I don’t like him! That’s crazy! He’s done nothing but terrorize me this whole time!”

“Exactly! He’s like a little fucking schoolboy tugging the girl’s ponytail in class! Or in this case, your sad man ponytail.” 

Ignoring the ponytail part, Gordon thought about that analogy for a moment. And then he didn’t think about it. And then he _refused_ to think about it. 

“I-I’m not going to indulge this anymore!” Gordon shouted, running a hand through his messy hair. “You wanna go? Fine! We’ll go! No more lagging behind. A straight fucking shot home. But I am _not_ in love with Benrey! And if one more person says so, I might just pull the trigger on myself and get it over with because y-you guys are gonna drive me straight off a fucking cliff otherwise!” 

“Cry baby,” was the last thing Bubby said before cocking his gun and turning around to run after the others. Gordon waited until he was out of sight before he clenched his fists and let out a long, frustrated yell. 

“I swear to god--I swear to _fucking_ god!” Gordon wheezed to himself, his body shaking in anger. “These people are gonna drive me crazy! I-I am literally going insane!” 

Taking in a long, deep breath, Gordon managed to calm himself down. 

Whatever he was doing was drawing attention to him and Benrey, so he would just stop whatever it was that made them think he liked the guy in even the slightest. He would keep his head down, not listen to a fucking word any of them said, and get their asses home. 

Wasting no time, Gordon pulled a machine gun off of his back and sprinted off to join the rest of the group. 

He prayed to a god he didn’t believe in that this next half of the journey would go quicker than the first.


	3. Tommy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon let his eyes adjust before he scoped the area, the biggest sigh of relief escaping his lips at the sight of Tommy Coolatta himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have any new art specific to this fic, but I do have a lot more HLVRAI drawings in general posted up on [my insta](https://www.instagram.com/angstflavoured/) if you wanna pop by and check those out :0  
> Thank you guys again for the amazing support! I'm having so much fun writing this and have losta cool ideas for where to it. I might end up extending the plot beyond canon and play around with it a lot more..... but we'll see ehe

White, searing hot pain. 

The last few hours were a fuzzy blur, but Gordon was lucid enough to remember just how much it fucking hurt. The moment he stepped foot in that room, the lights were off and the guards were on him. He fell to the floor and was powerless as they rammed their steeltoed boots into his sides and back over and over to the point his body would be covered head to toe in bruises. If he even survived, that was. 

In the moment, it had really felt like he was going to die. However, he must’ve survived because merely a few hours later, Gordon Freeman reluctantly regained consciousness. 

His mouth was dry and his hair was caked in red sand and his eyes were nearly glued shut after so many hours of restless, uncomfortable sleep, but he was alive nonetheless. 

Gordon rolled over onto his side, groaning at the pain in his spine. He was outside on the dirty ground, but strangely enough it wasn’t the grossest place he had woken up to the whole trip, so he would take it. After a minute of smacking his lips and forcing his eyes open despite the bright sun shining down on him, he attempted to sit up. 

“What the…” he began to mumble to himself, cutting the sentence short when his eyes landed on his right arm. All at once, that searing hot pain came flooding back and he couldn’t help but shout. 

“Oooh! Oh fuck!” He yelled to himself, clutching his arm just above the gaping wound. “Shit! Hnn--Fucking…” 

Along with the pain, Gordon quickly regained memory of what had happened. Those fuckers luring him into that room, the guards beating him up, his so-called “friends” just letting it--no, _encouraging_ it--to happen. 

“It was a trap,” he whispered to himself in disbelief. “They--Bubby. Coomer… _Benrey._ ” Gordon had never felt such raw anger flood through his veins. “They betrayed me. They fucking--oooh, fuck!” He cut himself short, hissing in a breath and gripping his arm. Shit, he needed to get a heath kit. It was a wonder why he hadn’t died already, to be honest, with how much blood he must’ve lost at this point.

Deciding to not look that particular gift horse in the mouth, Gordon forced himself off the floor and took in his surroundings. They threw him in a trash compactor, but apparently the wrong end. Not the end where the job gets done. For a couple of scientists with multiple PhDs, the workers here were pretty thick sometimes. 

It didn’t take him long to find his way out of the compactor, trekking across the hot sand in search of somewhere with some shelter. If he ran into any aliens, there was no easy way out of that. 

As if on cue, he spotted a couple headcrabs roaming around. He would probably be easily able to outrun them. They were relatively slow, and trying to fight them would start a battle that Gordon could definitely not win at the moment.

Up ahead was a big water reserve with a ladder leading up and inside of it. It would be a bitch to climb with just his one arm, but he bet that at the bottom was a maintenance vent that would lead him inside. The sooner he could get out of the hot sun, the better. He mumbled angrily to himself the whole way as he made it past the head crabs and cranked the wheel that brought up a platform he would be able to step on at the top of the reserve. Fortunately, he was surprisingly good at climbing ladders one-handed. He easily made his way to the top of the huge metal cylinder just in time to step on a platform before it started its descent. 

“If I run into a soldier, I’m fucked!” He dryly chuckled to himself. “I’m practically useless now. There’s no way I’m--I-I thought it was hopeless before but this is fucking ridiculous. I’m screwed. I don’t even have anyone, anymore. They all betrayed me.” Gordon sighed when the platform came to a stop, revealing a tube that was luckily large enough that he wouldn’t have to crawl through it. He didn’t know if he would’ve had the energy to shimmy himself through a narrow metal vent at the moment. 

He continued forward, talking softly to himself to fill the ominous silence that followed him into the dark tunnel. “It’s just me, I guess. Just Gordon. Maybe it’s better this way? I have no fucking clue. Sure, those-those guys were a handful, but at least I had someone. Now I-I don’t have anyone, do I?” Making his way to the end of the tunnel, Gordon squinted against the neon green light that came seeping from whatever room this led to. He let his eyes adjust before he scoped the area, the biggest sigh of relief escaping his lips at the sight of Tommy Coolatta himself standing alone, looking around like he was lost. 

“Hey!” Gordon shouted, waving his good hand. “Hey--T-Tommy! Tommy, up here!”

“Huh?” Tommy spun around in a confused circle, trying to pinpoint where the voice was coming from. It took him a few moments, but his eyes finally landed up near the ceiling where Gordon stood in the tunnel. 

“It’s me!” Gordon laughed. 

“Hello, Mr. Freeman…” Tommy mumbled, not nearly as enthusiastic about this meeting as Gordon apparently was. The hesitation in his tone sent a wave of panic back through Gordon. 

“Are you here to finish me off?” He asked, taking a step back. “You’re--Oh god, please tell me--”

“No,” Tommy forlornly drawled as he fiddled with his fingers. “They tricked me.”

“What?” Gordon jumped down from the tunnel, wincing when his feet hit the ground hard. “Ooh fuck. Jesus. H-Hey buddy, what do you--what do you mean? What did they do to you?” Gordon walked closer with renewed confidence that Tommy was on his side. 

“Uhm… They gave me a Beyblade.” 

Gordon blinked. “What? Wh-Why are you--did they leave you behind?”

“Yeah,” Tommy replied after a few moments of hesitation. “I ran away.”

“...Thank you for not joining them, man,” Gordon breathed, placing a hand on Tommy’s shoulder partially to show his gratitude and partially to balance himself. He was already feeling really lightheaded from all the bloodloss. “Really, god.”

“They took the Beyblade back, though, Mr. Freeman.” Tommy sounded upset enough about it that Gordon actually felt bad, but they had so much more on their plates to worry about at the moment. 

“Oh,” Gordon nodded in understanding anyway, trying to show empathy despite quickly losing consciousness. “Would you go back if they gave you another Beyblade?”

Instead of answering, Tommy sadly glanced down at Gordon’s absent arm before walking over and slinging Gordon’s good arm over his shoulder. Tommy helped hold him up and Gordon relished in the feeling of having someone to lean on. 

“I know, it’s hard to think about,” Gordon sighed as he closed his eyes. Though his throat could probably use a rest, he couldn’t stand silence. That and it helped him stay focused on not passing out. He needed to stay awake and keep working on finding a way out of this godforsaken facility. “That’s a--That’s a good deal.”

Tommy paused for a moment. “You don’t have a hand.” 

Gordon nodded, a sob catching in his throat as they started walking out of the room. “I know,” he said thickly. “I know. Those guys they-they tricked me too. God, I-I don’t know why I ever even trusted them! After everything they’ve done, I should’ve known what goddamn lunatics they were.”

“Dr. Coomer, he-he said we eliminated the whole United States Government. I-I thought they were all--all dead.” 

“Well, Dr. Coomer lied. They all did.”

Tommy shook his head. “No, I-I don’t think so, Mr. Freeman. Those guys are really good--really important to Black Mesa. They would never--wouldn’t do that to us.”

“They did, though. They-They led me into that fucking room _knowing_ there were guards waiting for me! They tricked me!” Gordon glared, letting out a humourless, staccato laugh. “Bubby sicced those stupid bootlickers on me like a couple of dogs! They probably think this whole thing is my fault. Bubby told them where I was, Dr. Coomer sat by and watched--didn’t even bat an eye. And Benrey--” At speaking the name, an unspeakable rage formed in Gordon’s core. “Oooh, that motherfucker. He-He might as well have brought popcorn! He watched me like-like the whole thing was a show set up specifically for his twisted entertainment! I have no doubt that-that _freak_ got off on me getting my ass kicked.” 

“I-I don’t think he liked it, Mr. Freeman.”

“What do you mean?? Did you not hear him cheering those guards on?”

“Yeah but I-I don’t think he thought they would hurt you so bad. He was really upset when they--when--when they did that to your-your arm.”

Gordon skipped a step as they rounded a corner, nearly tripping on his own feet. “What?”

“Yeah, he was real mad.”

Gordon swallowed, looking down at the ground. “If he was really upset, he would’ve stopped those guards. God knows he’s strong enough--he murdered so many of them without even flinching! He could’ve stopped them, but he didn’t.” The more he thought about Benrey standing there smiling, listening closely in the dark while Gordon wailed and moaned in pain, the more Gordon’s body started to shake with anger. 

He finally really thought that maybe him and Benrey were getting somewhere. Not anywhere close to friends, but somewhere that Benrey might not want to kill him and Gordon wouldn’t want to constantly tear out his hair all the time. 

“He didn’t do a goddamn thing,” Gordon breathed. “He just watched. Well, listened. God actually, for all I know maybe he can see in the dark. Wouldn’t surprise me. I-I don’t think anything can surprise me anymore. This whole timeline is fucked.” 

“It’ll--It will all be okay, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy reassured. “You and-and Benrey just need to kiss and make up. I’m sure he’ll be h-happy to see you again when we find him. And maybe he-he saw where they put my Beyblade! Then I can have it back and we’ll have the Science Team back together and every--e-everything will be okay.”

“Yeah,” Gordon nodded. Though he didn’t believe a word Tommy was saying, it was nice to get some optimism around here for once. “We’ll see about that, Tommy. If you’re--” Gordon paused, his brows furrowing. His brain was a little slower than usual at the moment due to all of the blood that was currently on the ground rather than inside his body, but he eventually processed what Tommy had said. “Did you--w-wait what did you say?”

“Huh?”

“What did you--you just say?”

“Oh, uh, maybe someone saw where they put my-my Beyblade--”

“No, before that.”

“Th...What?”

“About me and--and Benrey?”

“Oh! He’ll be real happy to see you, Mr. Freeman!”

“Oh,” Gordon said slowly. “Okay. So when you said ‘kiss and make up’ that-that was just a metaphor, right? Not--You weren’t being literal.” 

“Well Bubby, he--h-he told me that whenever you and Benrey get mad at each other that you-you go somewhere secret and you kiss! And then you both feel better.” 

Gordon couldn’t even bother to wince in pain at the barking, surprised laugh that was forced from him. 

“What?? Why--You know, of course. Right. Of course Bubby told you that. He--No, Tommy. There is no--me and Benrey do not kiss, alright? Don’t listen to whatever shit those two senile old men tell you. They’re both very, _very_ mentally ill, I’m pretty sure.” 

“But-But Professor Bubby never tells a-a lie.”

“I’m sure he’s lied a lot, Tommy. He needs to be put in a hospital! They both do! Hell, all three of those guys! Bubby, Dr. Coomer, Benrey--they cannot be trusted. Never listen to-to anything they tell you.”

“You’re--You’re really upset,” Tommy observed. “We need to find Benrey, quick.”

“No!” Gordon retorted. “In fact, I-I think it would be very beneficial to my health if we never ran into that-that psycho ever again!” 

“Everything will be okay after the Science Team is back together,” Tommy nodded. “It’s all--I-I’m sure this is all just a big misunderstanding--!”

“Y’know, I-I have no idea why all of you got the idea in your heads that-that I care for Benrey even in the slightest!” Gordon interrupted, still caught up on the last conversation point. “I hate him--I hate him so goddamn much. And he hates me! That’s all there is to it, it’s really not that deep. Not as deep as you guys are making it.” 

“You guys sure do fight a lot…” 

“Yes,” Gordon sighed. “Exactly. All we do is fight.”

“B-But I’ve also seen Benrey make you, uh, laugh a lot. He makes you la--I-I don’t think anyone’s made you laugh like him.”

Gordon hesitated, but rolled his eyes. “Okay. Sure, the guy’s made a few good jokes. That doesn’t mean anything. Doesn’t make him less of a-a total dickbag. I’m sure Hilter cracked a good one-liner a few times in his life, but he still _murdered_ a _lot_ of innocent people! Not unlike Benrey!”

“H-He’s not so bad! Benrey is a-a really good member of the team!”

“Is he a member though? I feel like he just, like, forced himself into our thing. He is definitely out of place wherever he goes. We would for sure be a lot farther ahead if he wasn’t here and I-I didn’t have to spend so much time fighting with him!” 

“Th-Then why do you fight with him?”

“...What? I--What do you mean?”

“I mean, you could j-just ignore him. Whenever you don’t talk to him, he-he gets real quiet.”

“Well, that’s--that’s just blatantly untrue.”

“No it’s not.” 

“I…” Gordon shook his head. “What do you mean, like, when he isn’t around me I’m sure he’s just as-as loud and annoying as he always is! It has nothing to do with me. He’s just a bad guy!” 

“Mr. Freeman, when you’re not around, Benrey gets--he gets real quiet. Me and him, we’re--we’re real good friends and we’ve never fought. N-Not once.”

“Wh… I don’t… What’re saying, I just… don’t talk to him and he’ll stop? That’s…” Gordon trailed off, thinking it over for a moment. It usually was Gordon who initiated the arguing, even if it was Benrey who had been doing something to upset Gordon in the first place. He supposed that if he just didn’t feed it energy, Benrey probably would get bored and go somewhere else. It did seem like a lot of the time he did bad things only to get a rise out of… well, specifically Gordon. “I… I guess I never, uh, really thought about it like that.”

“You… You know what I think, Mr. Freeman?”

“Y--uh, what, Tommy?”

“I-I think you just like talking to Benrey. E-Even if it’s angry--an angry talk.”

Gordon’s face contorted and he looked down at the ground in thought. 

He honestly didn’t even know why he was entertaining the thought. Of course he didn’t like talking to Benrey. The guy was unbearable to have a conversation with. Gordon would be plenty glad to never have to talk with him again!

“And, uh…” Tommy continued, obviously noticing the confused scowl making its way onto Gordon’s face. “I-I think Benrey likes talking to you, too. He just--He has a hard time with feeling times--feeling, uh… with talking to people about… about feelings and stuff.”

“What feelings could Benrey possibly want to talk to me about?” Gordon laughed, but couldn’t muster up any energy to make it seem anything but forced. “About how much he hates me?”

“H-He doesn’t hate you, Mr. Freeman! I-I think he just, uh…” Tommy looked off to the side like he was pondering something--carefully choosing his words. Gordon briefly wondered if he had this same conversation with Benrey before. “He does it cus-cus you won’t talk to him any, uh, if you don’t… you won’t talk to him ‘less he’s doing something ba-bad.” 

Gordon let out an exasperated, tired sigh. 

He was not going to humour this. Why did even humour this long? With everyone talking to him about it, Gordon might just actually believe it’s true if he lets himself listen to their words too long. That’s definitely Gordon--infamous for getting inside of his own head and fucking up his thoughts. He was nipping that in the bud before it was a problem: no more Benrey talk.

“I can’t--Tommy, I really need to get a health kit,” he said at nearly a whisper. “I’m losing a lot of-of blood here, man. Let’s pick up the pace and find somewhere safe, alright? Before I-I die here?”

Tommy paused, but nodded. “Alright, Mr. Freeman!” His tone was back to it’s normal cheery self and for right now, Gordon would take that as a victory. “Let’s go get the Science Team back together!” 

Oh yeah. Dr. Coomer and Bubby were a whole other can of worms they needed to open. He would just focus on finding them and getting to the bottom of this whole idiotic Black Mesa military business. That ought to keep him distracted.

Maybe it even ought to satiate the part of Gordon’s brain that was itching to argue with Benrey again.


	4. The Science Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s Dr. Bubby!” Tommy smiled. A smile slowly made its way onto Gordon’s face as well, although his came with much more sinister intent.
> 
> “ _Hey, motherfucker._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a bit longer! Trying to write a proper slow burn is difficult stuff sldksdkj  
> Hopefully the next one should be a lot easier to write and will be out a lot sooner
> 
> EDIT: ALSO drew [this](https://www.instagram.com/p/CF_SBN0lpt9/?igshid=1icz7oa1p0pe3) up today 👁 in case anyone was wondering what my particular Benrey looks like in this fic......

“Maybe if we bump the machine, there’ll be some more hidden in there--HHAAAAGHH!!”

Gordon laughed, watching in amusement as Dr. Coomer punched a surprisingly deep dent into a medstation. “I don’t think that’s how that works, man.”

“Usually it works.” Dr. Coomer tilted his head to the side, seeming genuinely vexed that his tactic wasn’t successful. 

“Better luck next time, buddy,” Gordon reassured, tilting his head forward. “C’mon, I’ll be okay for now. I’m sure we’ll run into another one soon or something.” Rather then dwell on everything that happened in the room with the Coomer Clones, Gordon decided it would best to let things go back to normal. Coomer seemed innocent enough. Whether he actually trusted him or was just too tired to stress himself out more, he didn’t care. Coomer was back to his lovable, perpetually confused, old man self and hadn’t even tried to murder Gordon for minutes, and that was good enough.

Apparently that’s all it took to consider someone a friend down here in this hellhole. 

Coomer eventually gave up on the medkit and continued into a greenlit room, Gordon trailing closely behind. He carefully made sure that he was never the first one to enter a room. He was more than a little useless with only one arm and the last thing he needed right now was having to face off an enemy like this. 

Tommy walked ahead of both of them, looking around the dimly lit, green room. 

“What is this…?” Gordon wondered allowed, walking forward more confidently once he was certain there were no monsters lurking around. 

“Look!” Tommy called out, pointing his gun up at a set of screens displaying strange images of something under a microscope. “Look at those pictures, Mr. Freeman!”

Before Gordon could even think up a reply, him and Tommy both startled at a voice coming from behind them. 

“Oh--Tommy! Gordon!”

Gordon turned around, his expression dropping at the sight of a familiar face. He was trapped inside a cylinder lined with metal and glass, the source of the green light seemingly under his feet. 

“Gordon,” Bubby exclaimed as he pressed his hands up against the glass. “You have to let me out! They put me back in my tube!”

Gordon glared, angrily exclaiming, while Tommy looked more relieved than anything. 

“It’s Dr. Bubby!” Tommy smiled. A smile slowly made its way onto Gordon’s face as well, although his came with much more sinister intent.

“ _Hey, motherfucker,_ ” Gordon spat as he walked up closer to the tube. 

“Gordon, wait.” Bubby pressed his cheek against the glass, a comically innocent look on his face. “I just want you to know I didn’t betray--”

“Do I look any _different_ to you?!” Gordon interrupted, hysterically gesturing down to his missing arm. 

“Yes, I… never told them to do that. They, uh, they fooled me!” Yeah, no way Gordon was falling for this shit. “They-They told me that you were the reason we hadn’t been out of here. So--” Bubby paused as Dr. Coomer started to violently punch the glass barrier, but continued on. “--So they said to trick you into going into that room! But when you went in, they knocked me over the head and shoved me back in my tube!”

“A likely story,” Gordon spat. 

“Would I lie to you?” Bubby pressed his nose up against the tube, his breath fogging up the glass. “Come on, Gordon. We’re the Science Team! We--If we wanna make it out of here, we need to stick together.”

“Yeah, we _were_ a team,” said Gordon. “We were all working together just fine--hell, Benrey was even there--and then you two lured me into that room! And got my fucking arm lobbed off! That’s on you, man! You and Benrey. You two were probably scheming that whole time. Ugh! I knew I-I should’ve eavesdropped on you guys. Can’t believe I actually trusted you.”

“Of course you can trust me! We just--We didn’t know what they would do to you. We just thought they would give you a good slap.”

“When has the government ever just given someone a ‘good slap’, Bubby??”

“...Okay, you… you may have a point--but still! We didn’t know. At--Well, at least I didn’t. Benrey said it was a good plan.”

Gordon thought for a moment. “You guys--Do you remember when Benrey was just, like, hanging out with those guards? And they weren’t even attacking him? That was fucking weird.”

Coomer paused his punching for a moment to ponder Gordon’s words. “It is suspicious now that you mention it, Gordon.”

“He probably knew the whole time what was going to happen and then fucking tricked you into thinking they wouldn’t do anything bad, huh? I--You know, I honestly wouldn’t put it past him.”

“Oh, come on,” Bubby rolled his eyes. “You trust the guy enough to let him stick his tongue down your throat but you won’t even consider the possibility that--”

“Woah woah! Woah,” Gordon wildly waved his hands, cutting Bubby off. “Don’t finish that fucking sentence. We didn’t--Benrey’s tongue--there has been nothing with us--” Gordon closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before continuing more calmly. “No tongues have been down anyone’s throats.”

“What?” Bubby looked over between Coomer and Tommy. “These two--they really haven’t kissed yet?” 

“Unfortunately,” Coomer piped up, his fist still forcefully pounding against the glass, “their story is turning out to be a bit of a ‘slow burn.’”

“Slow…?” Gordon shook his head, cutting himself off. “Nevermind, I probably don’t want to know. Will you guys--I-I don’t know why you have this weird fucking obsession with-with--you know, I don’t even know what this is! But Benrey, he-he got my fucking arm cut off! You expect me to even tolerate him after that?”

“Now, I told you, I’m pretty sure he didn’t know they were going to do that!” Bubby retorted. 

“Yeah, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy chimed in, prompting Gordon to swivel around to face him. “I already told you, he--h-he seemed--Benrey was really upset after the-they did that to you.”

Gordon let out a strained laugh. “You really expect me to believe that, Tommy? Bubby’s the one who got hit over the head and put back in his… his tube, or whatever the fuck. What about Benrey, huh? Did he get hurt at all? No! Fucker’s probably having a-a--I don’t know, a sweet awesome party with the guards right now with a banner that has my name plastered on it while they use my fucking disembodied arm!!! As a piñata!!!!” 

“I love parties!” Coomer chirped. 

“I can see you’re a little angry,” Bubby said. “But we all make mistakes, Gordon.”

“Mistakes???” Gordon hysterically waved around his stump of an arm. “You call this a mistake!?”

“It will make quite the amusing story at your wedding!” Coomer smiled. 

“Our wedding,” Gordon breathed, leaning down on one knee. “Jesus Christ. You guys really aren’t going to let this go.”

“Love is a beautiful thing, Gordon! It deserves to be celebrated!”

“This is not love! It’s not… I-I’ve known the idiot for, like, how long have we been down here even?” Gordon pushed himself back up to his feet, the green lighting making the bags under his eyes look even more prominent. “I’m gonna be honest with you, it feels like _fucking_ years.”

“We’ve been down here approximately 7 days.”

“Wait, really? A week? Is that just another bullshit estimate or has it really--”

“Don’t change the subject!” Bubby demanded. “Ever since you met Benrey, you’ve been nothing but Gordon Pissypants!”

“Because he is literally the most annoying person on the planet!” Gordon shouted. “Actually, he’s not even a person! I don’t know _what_ the fuck he is! But whatever he is, apparently he was put down here specifically to antagonize me. Because that’s all he ever does!” 

“I-I think Benrey’s a really good friend,” Tommy said, walking up to stand beside Gordon. “He’s just a… a little difficult sometimes. He gets ne-nervous and isn’t really good with ta-talking to people. If you just tried asking him--”

“Why do I have to be the bigger man?” Gordon whined. “Why do I have to be the one to talk to him? If he’s really all that great--if he really felt bad about everything he did--he should’ve helped me! God knows he has enough fucking firepower to take out all of the guards. He should’ve killed them and helped me! Instead of standing there! Like a-a fucking idiot!”

“H-He just panicked, Mr. Freeman! He’s not good un-under pressure…”

“Like hell he isn’t,” Gordon scoffed. 

“I, too, have been in love,” Coomer sighed, flashing Gordon a small smile. Rather than punching the glass, he was now leaning up against it with his sleeves rolled up, glancing up at Bubby. “I can see it in those eyes of yours. You just have to embrace it and love will--”

“Love is fucking scam!” Gordon interrupted, his voice slightly cracking from the force of which he spoke. “It’s not real! Love is-is a stupid evolutionary trait designed to keep our species alive! You guys are scientists, right? They teach you in-in the media that’s its all cute and all you need or whatever the fuck, but it doesn’t matter. None of it does. Especially not when there’s a fucking alien apocolypse!!” 

"I think love is pretty cool," Bubby grumbled. "You just need to get laid."

"Oh my god," Gordon wheezed out a laugh, running his good hand through his hair. "Look what good being in love has done anyone. I--god, for fucksake! It screwed me the hell over, that's for sure! My-My son will never have a normal--you know, I used to think love was real. I used to believe in stupid 'happy ever after's or whatever, and then some heartless bitch screwed me over! That-That wasn't love. That was me being a-a goddamn idiot and believing that love even existed! And… And you know actually, it wasn't even mostly her. It was me and my--I--Jesus, I don't even know why I'm telling you all this! I don't need to prove anything to…to you." Gordon trailed off, burying his face in his hand. He kept his eyes closed, surprised that all he was met back with was silence.

Bubby, to no one's surprise, was finally the one to break it just after it got too awkward.

"Well, that got too real very quickly. I just want out of my tube."

Gordon sighed. “I--do we even know how to get you out of there?”

“Yes, that button right there.”

Coomer straightened up and walked over to where Bubby gestured, seemingly happy about the change of subject. “You mean this button right here?” 

Before Gordon could really process what was happening, there was a pressing of a button, a loud _pop_ as glass shattered all across the room, and the piercing sound of an alarm. He flinched and hunched over in preparation for enemies to come storming in, but none came. Coomer and Bubby both got into defensive positions and Tommy even shot a few bullets probably out of fear, but eventually the alarm cut off and the room fell silent again. 

“I… I think we’re good,” Gordon nodded, standing back up straight. “Welcome back, Bubby. First thing you gotta know is,” he paused, gesturing to his stub of an arm, “I’m practically useless, now. You guys are gonna have to be doing all the fighting and shit.” 

“I’ve practically been carrying the team this whole time,” Bubby scoffed, “so I think I’ll be alright, Gordon.”

Gordon couldn’t help but chuckle. “Alright, then. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”  
“Before that--” Bubby held up his hand to stop Gordon from walking past him. “Let me talk a sec.” 

Gordon gave him a wary look, but didn’t object.

“Love is--” Gordon cut him off with a groan. “Stop being a bitch and let me finish!”

“Why should I?” Gordon asked with a genuine tiredness that definitely came across in his tone. “Can we talk about anything else than this? I-I would rather talk about anything, honestly. I’d rather discuss my own fucking murder, dude. What’s the best way to kill Gordon? Let’s find out, yeah? Okay I’ll start--”

“I’m old, Gordon,” Bubby interrupted, but then paused. “Well, sort of. I have a genetically engineered mind that gives me the knowledge of an older man. So I know a lot more than you do.”

“I am… not sure how sound that logic is--”

“Either way! Love isn’t just handed to you on a nicely polished decorative plate.”

“Weird… choice of metaphor--”

“It’s confusing and hard and you have to fucking work for it. And sometimes, y-yes it takes multiple tries with different people. But it’s goddamn real. It took Harold--C-Coomer over 50 years to find it.”

“But when I did, it was beautiful,” Coomer smiled. 

Gordon was quiet for a moment.

“...Your first name is Harold?”

Bubby groaned. “Stop changing the goddamn subject!”

“I already told you! I don’t want to talk about this! In fact, th-there’s nothing to talk about! I’m not in love. I-I am never going through that again.”

Coomer lifted a finger before he spoke. “It’s okay to be patient--”

“--but don’t lie to yourself,” Bubby finished. 

Gordon gave Bubby an exasperated look. “Ya done? Can we go now? I-I thought you wanted to go home.”

“Fine,” Bubby rolled his eyes. Just as Gordon went to walk forward, however, Bubby stopped him one last time. 

“What now, man?”

“Despite what your little idiot brain believes,” Bubby spat, “we care about you, Gordon. We are the goddamn Science Team. Don’t fuck anything else up because you’re too goddamn stubborn.” He loudly sighed at Gordon’s impatient stare. “Okay okay, I’m done now.”

“Thank Christ,” Gordon breathed, gesturing for the team to go ahead of him. “You guys first. Can’t do shit with only one arm.”

Bubby curtly nodded, speed walking up ahead with Coomer at his side. Tommy had been awfully quiet the last few minutes and only gave Gordon a forlorn look before running ahead to catch up with the two older men. 

He wasn’t crazy. These guys needed to mind their own goddamn business and leave him alone, right? Benrey had to have known what he was doing. He was being way too shifty this entire time to make a mistake that purely idiotic. 

...Had he really thought Gordon wouldn’t get hurt? 

“No,” Gordon said out loud to the room that he now alone occupied. “Don’t let them get in your head, Gordon. You’re not the crazy one, here. In fact, you’re the only _sane_ one here!” 

He remembered Tommy saying how upset Benrey was. He imagined, only for a moment, the smug smile that was always on Benrey’s face finally dropping as he watched Gordon’s arm get chopped off. Maybe that’s why he disappeared… because he was upset?

“Stay strong, man,” Gordon said to himself, waving away the thought. “C’mon.” 

He took in a deep breath, putting on a determined expression as he walked forward to catch up with the others.

“Benrey is the bad guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also sorry this one is a bit filler  
> the next chapter will have a lot more Good Stuffs i'm really excited to write ehehe  
> Thanks to everyone who's been sticking around!!! I'm looking forward to putting out more chapters :)


	5. Mr. Coolatta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He immediately recognized him as the man he kept seeing around that the rest of the team never seemed to notice. It was a nice confirmation that Gordon was a little less insane than he thought.
> 
> ...Unless this was all just a hallucination too which meant that he was much _more_ insane than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE SO LONG BUT...... HERE IT IS.  
> Sorry also, I know this chapter was supposed to be more Benrey based but... the timeline fit too well for me to glaze over Gman. I was gonna save his chapter for much later, but this actually lines up nicely. Also getting some plot in here!  
> Next chapter FOR SURE will be more Benrey based, and I have some cool art I commissioned to go with it :)  
> Thanks everyone for sticking around this long, hope you all enjoy!!!  
> AND WOW!!! Thanks for 4k hits???? this is my most popular fanfic BY FAR and im having a BLAST writing it EHE

“I’ll never understand this place,” Gordon exasperatedly breathed on his way out of the Pita Cutter room. “It will never--I--I do not get how the government funded a room like that. Just… why? Why. I don’t get it.” 

“Black Mesa whole grain pita bread is a very important part of your daily nutrients!” Coomer happily walked on ahead of Gordon, that same smile he got whenever he got the chance to teach someone something creeping onto his face. “It’s loaded with fiber, helps manage diabetes, and assists in combating constipation! You’re not ever really fully dressed without one of these babies in your pocket.”

“Black Mesa’s sure worried a lot about my health for a company who literally puts my life on the fucking line every single day.” 

“It’s important to stay healthy, Gordon!”

“He doesn’t need the carbs,” Bubby interjected. 

“Wh--!” Gordon glared. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?!”

“Oh look!” Tommy interrupted. “There’s--There’s people up ahead!” 

“They can wait,” Gordon said. “Are you seriously trying to call me fat, dude? I-It’s just bulk. I’m fuckin’ ripped--! Out of all you guys I’m--well, wait. No, uh... Dr. Coomer’s actually pretty fit. What’s with that?”

“A pita bread a day keeps the fat at bay!” Dr. Coomer chimed. 

“I don’t know if--” Gordon cut himself off at the sight of the two men up ahead that Tommy had been referring to. His heart skipped an anxious beat once his gaze locked onto the purple shirts and matching helmets, Gordon stopping that train of thought before he could spiral. 

All the guards here had the same uniforms. It could be anyone. Probably just a bunch of nobodies. 

“Please,” Gordon whispered to himself. “Please please please. Please, if there’s a god please for the love of fuck don’t have it be who I think it’s gonna be…” 

He slowly approached the two guards, the rest of the Science Team naturally falling behind him. Usually Gordon wouldn’t want to be stepping forward with only his one hand, but he had a feeling he knew how this interaction was going to end. 

“No no no,” Gordon whined, walking up behind them to get their attention. “No no, please no…” 

The guard on the left turned around and Gordon was relieved to not recognize their face. The second guard, he heard their voice first before he could get a good look at them. 

“Someone straight took a dump--” 

Before Gordon could let out a frustrated groan, Bubby ran up beside him. 

“Look out, Gordon--It’s Benrey!” Gordon couldn’t even bother to flinch when Bubby stuffed the guard on the left full of bullets, their lifeless body slumping to the ground. 

“--in the last room,” Benrey finished, looking over at the dead body next to him. 

“I got him!” Bubby laughed triumphantly, walking over the now-bloody tile. 

“We can’t kill him,” Gordon breathed. He swore his hair was going to be grey by the time they got out of this place. He could practically feel the stress crawling down his throat and settling in his gut. “He’s not dead, man. He can’t die.”

“Fine shooting,” Dr. Coomer cheerily congratulated Bubby. 

“Why won’t he die…”

“Gordon, he’s right here on the floor,” Dr. Coomer said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Dead as a doornail!”

“Sure, sure,” Gordon sighed, running his good hand through his hair. He looked back up at Benrey with a tired look, the guard simply staring back at him with a calm expression. 

“Hey, man,” Benrey softly greeted. “How’s it goin’? Get, uh… stackin’ up a pretty good KD ratio? Gettin’ them kills?”

“How do you think it’s going?” Gordon asked, giving him an exasperated shoulder shrug. “Fucken sucks man. And no, I’m not--I-It’s not like I can really kill anyone like this. Got no fucken arm. One armed Gordon.”

“Damn,” Benrey frowned. “That-That does suck, man. What happened to your arm?”

Gordon could’ve choked him if he had the energy to. 

“Dude, I am not in the mood to play this game. I’m--” Gordon cut himself short, glancing off to the side. It was a little too quiet all of the sudden.

Just as he suspected, he saw the rest of the Science Team standing in a neat line behind him, intently watching him and Benrey talk. As soon as Gordon spotted them, they all comically looked away and began whistling in unison, pretending as if they weren’t just eavesdropping.

Reluctantly, Gordon could feel his face turn red. Everyone in the room currently knew about whatever the hell was going on between Gordon and Benrey, _except_ for Benrey. Hell, maybe Benrey even knew at this point. He wouldn’t put it past one of these fuckers to drag Benrey into a corner and say something like “lol, gordon totally has the hots for you man aha might wanna be careful or he’ll kiss you” or something equally stupid.

At the thought, Gordon went from embarrassed to angry very quickly. 

“Let’s go,” Gordon demanded, taking a step away from Benrey. “I wanna get the fuck out of this place. We can’t afford to stand around anymore.”

“Finally,” Bubby rolled his eyes. “Now you’re actually speaking sense. Let’s get a move on!”

Gordon was relieved to see it worked: everyone ran on ahead without another word. 

Except Benrey, of course. 

He stayed planted in place, looking over at Gordon with the same blank expression he always wore. 

“What have you been up to then, huh?” Gordon asked, mostly just to break the awkward silence. “You go ahead and disappear without even saying anything--where do you go?”

Benrey shrugged, finally glancing away. “Was just… doin’ my job, man. Guarding. Being Security--securing the. Securing the premises. Keeping people like you from-from stealing. Bet you stole a whole bunch since I wasn’t here to watch ya, huh? Little--Little Butterfingers Stealman, over here. Thieving shit.”

Gordon clenched his fist and grit his teeth, but forced himself not to say anything. 

“Let’s just fucken go, man.” Gordon continued on ahead down the hallway, relishing in the few seconds of beautiful silence. He was usually really good at working in groups--before this, Gordon was a really big people person. He’d always greet everyone on his way into work, walk down the halls of Black Mesa with a big smile on his face. After all of this, however, Gordon wasn’t sure he’d ever want to speak to another person again. He would be fine going the rest of his life huddled up in his room playing video games. 

Gordon was startled from his thoughts when Benrey was suddenly right beside him, walking in time. He didn’t say anything, but he was about 3 paces too close to Gordon for him to be comfortable. 

“Could you back up, man?” Gordon asked. Forgive him for not wanting physical contact at the moment due to every cell in his body currently being on fire. 

“Gotta watch ya,” was all Benrey said in reply. 

Gordon opened his mouth to talk, but then thought back to the talk that he and Tommy had. 

If Tommy was right, Benrey really was doing all of this specifically just to get a rise out of him. So, maybe if Gordon just let him do his thing, he might really cut it out. He just had to stop humouring the man. Which was easier said than done, especially now that Gordon was three times more irritable than usual due to a serious case of Lack of Arm. It wouldn’t be easy, but it honestly seemed like the only choice at this point. Plus, if Gordon ignored him, maybe the rest of the Science Team would finally leave him alone about this whole ‘love’ bullshit. 

With that mentality in mind, Gordon just nodded. “Yeah, okay. Whatever, man.” Gordon almost expected him to argue, but Benrey didn’t say another word. They walked down the hall together side by side until they caught up with the rest of the team, Bubby immediately shouting at Gordon for taking so long.

They went through the next room with relatively no problems--Bubby found a stray scientist up ahead who had a key on him to get them through to the next area. Gordon was so stuck up in his own thoughts that he almost didn’t notice when everything around him froze in place. 

He blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing correctly--Dr. Coomer was stuck mid-running, both of his feet hovering above the ground; Bubby was standing in front of the door, his hand held straight in the air in front of him; Tommy stood close by, a worried look on his face; the scientist they found was hovering his keycard just above the slot next to the door. Gordon jerked his head to the side to see that Benrey was stuck in place next to him as well, his eyes staring forward blankly. Gordon took a moment to look into those eyes of his, even now his dead expression unreadable. 

“Dr. Freeman.” Gordon jumped at the sound of a deep, grating voice coming from behind him, slowly turning around to see a strange man in a suit carrying a briefcase. He immediately recognized him as the man he kept seeing around that the rest of the team never seemed to notice. It was a nice confirmation that Gordon was a little less insane than he thought.

...Unless this was all just a hallucination too which meant that he was much _more_ insane than he thought.

The suited man smiled, slightly adjusting his tie. 

“Gordon Freeman,” he greeted. “It is good to see you and your companions in such good spirits. I’d offer to shake your hand, but it seems you’re a little… lacking, in that department now, hm?”

Gordon glanced down at his hand, slightly glaring at the smug look on this man's face. He wanted to say something back but honestly he had no idea how to reply to any of this.

“I realize,” the man continued. “The indiscretion of having a conversation at a time like this, but… I felt it was important to… talk to you properly before you go any further.” The man paused, his head slowly and deliberately turning to look right at Benrey. Gordon followed his gaze, looking Benrey over once.

“Okay,” Gordon breathed, his heart speeding up a little faster. “What is… happening? What’s going on?”

“The resonance cascade and its repercussions are merely the prelude to a scheme of events much… grander than you could comprehend. You’ve already faced impossible odds and your prospects going forward will only grow slimmer, and slimmer. Perhaps things would’ve gone a bit better if you’d remembered to bring your…. Pass, port? Hm?” Gordon couldn’t help but let out a small airy laugh at that. “There are some who would say that surrender is your only choice at this point, but I have a vested interest in seeing you succeed, Mr. Freeman. Which is why I will continue to offer you my support, as will, my associates, but the onus of survival, ultimately rests upon you.” 

“Huh,” Gordon chuckled, nodding his head. “That’s… wow man, that’s a lot. I don’t--why--can I ask you something? A quick question, because I… I am having a hard time processing…. ALL of this.”

“I suppose I can spare some time…. but do make it relatively quick. I have a lot of business I need to, attend to.” 

“Why me?” Gordon blurted out, emphasising the phrase with a dramatic hand gesture. “I-I’m just a scientist, dude! I-I don’t have any training. I mean, I had some training with the hev suit and everything but I-I’m gonna be honest with you: I still don’t know half of the shit this thing does. I took some-some shooting classes, but it was all very glossed over and professional. I’m. What I’m saying is like… I am the least qualified person in the world to be in charge of this stuff!” He paused to laugh. “I’m not a trained super warrior, I just have a PhD! I-I honestly have no fucking idea why I’m even still alive!”

“I think you misunderstand, Dr. Freeman,” the man replied calmly, like Gordon wasn’t shouting and wildly gesturing around the room. “You are not, Plan A. We did not choose you specifically to run the course of this mission--like I said it is all… very out of your field of understanding. You used to work at another branch of Black Mesa, yes?”

“Yeah,” Gordon nodded. “Everything was--was perfectly fine over there. No-No fucking passports needed to enter, all the guards were nice and the scientists weren’t insane! And there definitely weren’t any aliens! It was just… regular Black Mesa.” 

“Things are a lot different here, Dr. Freeman,” the man said. “This branch of Black Mesa is, not like any other you will find. It may seem… strange on the surface, but there is much more than you even know… in the works. One day, you may, understand. For now, all you need to know is, it is of the utmost importance that you keep a, certain guard you know, very close.”

“...Benrey?” Gordon asked. “What--Oh my--I swear to God, if Benrey is the reason all of this--is he why all of this is happening?”

“Just know that a lot of this rests on, the love between you continuing to bloom.”

The laugh that erupted from Gordon surprised even himself--a loud, cackling, inhuman noise that had him falling back on his ass. He stayed down on the floor, covering his face and wheezing into his hands. 

“You’re fucking with me, right?” Gordon asked once he calmed down. “This is--is this whole thing just a goddamn joke? What--did Benrey put you up to this? Did-Did Coomer and Bubby and Tommy hire some weird fucking timelord just to lecture me about loving some guy I met a few days ago? That’s funny, man! That’s funny! Are these guys really even frozen? Or-Or are they just standing really still for the affect?” 

The man in the suit did not seem to find the situation as funny as Gordon did. No one in the room started moving again and the man did not join in on his laughter. After a few seconds, Gordon’s fit came to an abrupt stop.

“You’re not… You’re not joking, are you?” Gordon choked out. 

“I am not,” the man said. 

Gordon took a moment to sit himself up, standing back in front of the man.

“The relationship the two of you share, has been a key point in most of your… successes, throughout your journey. I am still in the works of figuring out some details, but, it is very important that you keep him… close.” 

Gordon ran his good hand through his hair, letting out a long, shaky breath. 

“Okay. Okay, fine,” Gordon said. “I guess if, fucken, everyone wants it… I’ll tolerate the guy. Not! Not love him. Because I don’t. I don’t love him. But I will make friends--reluctant friends.” 

“Love, Gordon, is the glue that keeps this world together,” the man sighed, a small smile returning to his face. “It is, important, to embrace love where you can find it. These days, it is… hard to come by.”

“Whatever, man,” Gordon waved his hand dismissively. “Are--Are we done, here?”

“We will talk again soon, but… for now, yes, I leave the rest of the journey up to you. I hope you will, keep my words… in mind, hm?”

Gordon flashed the man a strained smile, nodding once. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Goodbye, Dr. Freeman.”

With a strange flash of light that had Gordon covering his eyes, everything around him went back to normal. Instead of everyone simply falling back into place, however, they were now all crowded around the front of him, giving him strange looks.

“Why are you just standing there?” Bubby asked, waving a hand in front of his face. 

“Hello, Gordon?” Dr. Coomer asked, though much more confused than usual. 

“Uhm.” Gordon cleared his throat, taking a step back. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. I guess.” Gordon really hoped that whole interaction really happened. Either that or it was a weird way of his brain also trying to tell him that he loved Benrey, and he wasn’t sure if that was worse or better than a timelord stopping time to tell him that apparently him surviving and escaping Black Mesa was of cosmic importance. 

“Okay then,” Bubby said, walking back over to the scientist at the door. “Let’s get a move on, then!” 

“Shake a leg!” Dr. Coomer agreed, hopping eagerly behind Bubby while the door began to open. Tommy followed close behind them, flashing Gordon a strange look before turning back around.

Gordon stared ahead for a moment, only coming back to reality when Benrey nudged him in the arm--his bad one.

“Ow!” Gordon shouted, glaring down at him. “What’s your fucken problem?”

“Making sure you didn’t, uh, go all cats and tonic on me. Freezeman over here.”

“Cats and… you… do you mean catatonic?”

“You tell me, Mister, fuckin’, PhD.”

“Jesus Christ, I’m--” Gordon cut himself off before he could argue more, taking in a deep breath. Okay. So he had to be nicer to Benrey. He could do this--easy peasy. He used to have to be nice to his dick boss over at his old branch of Black Mesa all the time, and he’d had some asshole teachers back in college. This wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before. He was a bit more irritable, due to being in severe pain and running on pure adrenaline and soda, but he could do this. 

Be. Nice. To Benrey.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna talk (or yknow... send some fanart *eyes*)  
> I'm over at Insta @angstflavoured! I'm very nice and love to talk about these boys so HIT ME THE FUCK UP BRO


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